Hello and welcome back to Making Sense of Women's Health. I am Roberta Bass and I am a women's health physiotherapist, a remedial hypnotist, a Pilates instructor and a menopause mentor. Today, we are tackling a mindset that affects so many women — me included — and that is perfectionism.

Have you ever felt like everything has to be perfect before you can feel happy, worthy or successful? If so, you are not alone. Many women struggle with the belief that their value is tied to how flawlessly they can perform in their careers, in their relationships or personal lives. However, there is one big problem with perfectionism — perfection doesn’t exist. And because of that, many perfectionists find themselves stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, procrastination, stress and anxiety.

Perfectionism isn’t just a mindset, it actually has real consequences for mental and physical health. Studies have shown links between perfectionism and chronic stress, anxiety, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, and cardiovascular disease.

Perfectionism has also been linked to increased inflammation, sleep disturbances, and immune system dysfunction. I can personally relate to pretty much all of those, and I’ve always been a perfectionist. I believe it has played a role in my own struggles with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, because I’ve always found myself trapped in all-or-nothing thinking, particularly when it comes to dieting and food.

I often lose interest in hobbies if I’m not immediately good at them. It’s something I’ve had to work on. And today, I’m going to share not only how perfectionism manifests, but also how we can break free from it using the CONTROL Method and practical, evidence-based strategies. So let’s get started.

The Truth About Perfectionism

Have you ever heard of a happy perfectionist? No? Well, that’s because there isn’t one — or at least it’s very unlikely. Perfectionism isn’t just about high standards, it’s about setting impossible standards. It convinces you that you must be perfect to be happy, loved, or successful.

But the truth is — perfection isn’t achievable. Chasing it leads to constant dissatisfaction.

Perfectionism leads to stress and anxiety — because you are constantly afraid of failing. It causes procrastination — you put things off because you worry they won’t be good enough. It can damage self-esteem, because your self-worth becomes tied to your achievements rather than who you actually are. It creates all-or-nothing thinking — if something isn’t perfect, you see it as a total failure. And it blocks happiness, because perfectionists delay joy until they hit their impossible goals.

Why Do We Become Perfectionists?

There are lots of reasons. Society plays a part — particularly for women who are often expected to do it all perfectly — balancing careers, families, health, relationships. Our upbringing also shapes perfectionism — if you were praised as a child only for your achievements, rather than for your effort, you might have learned that your worth comes from what you achieve, not from who you are.

Perfectionism can also be driven by fear — fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of being exposed as not good enough — also known as imposter syndrome.

Perfectionism and Your Health

This isn’t just about how you think — it affects your body too. Chronic stress from perfectionism drives high cortisol levels, which can worsen anxiety, sleep problems, and exhaustion. It’s also linked to:

• Tension headaches.
• Digestive issues like IBS.
• Muscle pain and fatigue.
• Weakened immune function.

Long-term perfectionism has even been shown to contribute to hormonal imbalances, weight changes, and an increased risk of autoimmune conditions.

This was absolutely my experience. My perfectionism contributed to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I would push myself too hard, set impossible standards, and then either burn out completely or give up when I couldn’t meet my own unrealistic goals. It’s a vicious cycle — and it’s one I see in so many women I work with.

Breaking Free with the CONTROL Method

This is where the CONTROL Method comes in. If you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you’ll know I’m a CONTROL Practitioner, and I’ve done a whole episode explaining exactly how it works — so do go back and listen to that one if you want the full details.

The CONTROL Method is a structured process that allows you to work directly with your subconscious mind — because perfectionism is a subconscious pattern. It’s not something you consciously choose — it’s a belief system that sits below the surface, driving your thoughts and behaviours.

With CONTROL, we communicate directly with the subconscious, identify the root of the perfectionist belief, and rewrite the pattern to something more helpful — like “I am enough even when things aren’t perfect.” This kind of change happens at the subconscious level — which is why it’s so powerful and long-lasting.

I’ve used CONTROL on myself to untangle my own perfectionism, and I use it regularly with clients who feel trapped by the need to be perfect. And the best part is — it doesn’t require trance. You are awake and fully in control the whole time.

Other Practical Strategies

In addition to subconscious work, there are other tools that can support you to break free from perfectionism:

• Journaling — Writing down your perfectionist thoughts helps you see how harsh they are — and you can start to challenge them.
• Self-compassion exercises — Learning to speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend.
• Realistic goal setting — Setting goals that are achievable, not perfect.
• Mindfulness — Staying present instead of getting lost in what ‘should’ be happening.
• Limiting social media — Especially if you find yourself constantly comparing to others.
• Exercise — Physical movement helps lower stress and anxiety.

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism is a trap. It keeps you stuck in stress, procrastination, and self-doubt. But you don’t have to stay stuck. You can reprogram your subconscious, build self-compassion, and learn to value progress over perfection.

If you need help breaking free from perfectionism, this is exactly the kind of work I do with my clients using the CONTROL Method, combined with practical strategies like the ones I’ve shared today.

Visit my website to book a session, and if you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. And of course, make sure you’re subscribed so you never miss an episode.