Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? Or that you don't measure up? Or you're constantly second guessing yourself? Or maybe you've achieved things in life and on the surface you seem confident deep down you still don't feel worthy or good enough. If that sounds familiar, you are not alone.

Self-esteem is isn't the same as confidence. areas at work, in a hobby or in social situations but still struggle with self-esteem which is your overall sense of self-worth.

deep down you don't believe that you are valuable, then this is going to show up in how you take care of yourself, the relationships that you allow and the opportunities that you go for. I'm Roberta Bass and I'm a women's health physiotherapist, a menopause mentor and a control practitioner. And I help women change subconscious patterns that affect their wellbeing, amongst other things. So today we are going to explore why self-esteem matters, how it's shaped over time, and most importantly, how you can start strengthening it no matter what age you are.

So self-esteem affects every area of life. And if you don't believe in your worth, then you're more likely to put other people's needs before your own. You might neglect your health.

boundaries or accept situations that don't serve you, whether that's in relationships, work or how you treat yourself. Low self-esteem can also lead to things like chronic stress and anxiety. Feeling like you're not good enough.

can keep your nervous system in a constant state of stress.

You may also be neglecting your health. If you don't value yourself, you may not prioritize movement or healthy eating or even self care. You may be a people pleaser and over-apologize. Now, a deep fear of disappointing others can mean that you put yourself last, maybe feeling stuck. You might be avoiding new opportunities or fear making changes and worrying that you're going to fail.

that you're not capable enough. Many women come to me struggling with their health, not because they don't know what they should do, but because something is holding them back and often that thing is self-worth. One of the biggest challenges to self-esteem today is comparison. So especially with social media being so popular, we end up

measuring our everyday reality against someone else's highlights. Remember social media is curated, it's the edited versions and some people spend a long time editing their pictures, getting the right captions, talking about the best bits of their lives, but you are comparing your outtakes, the moments that you don't feel your best, the times that you are struggling

somebody else's polished final cut. It's like you're comparing apples and pears. It is not a fair comparison. Not many people post about their self-doubt, about their bad days or their unfiltered insecurities. And the more we compare, the worse that we feel. Recognising this and

Stepping back from those unhealthy comparisons is one of the most important steps in protecting your own self-esteem.

The good news, self-esteem isn't something that you either have or you don't have. It's something that you can build like a muscle. And like with physical strength, it starts with small consistent actions.

One of the first things we need to do is stop worrying about what others think. To be honest, it is none of our business what other people think. We can't control what they think about us. We can only control how we respond to their actions or things that they say. And if we were in a big room of people, say you were teaching them or you're doing a talk, if you were trying to please every single person in there, that would be impossible.

The same with daily life. If we are trying to please everyone, it's not going to happen. You're going to exhaust yourself. You're going to make yourself feel worse because you will inevitably fail because we are trying to meet impossible expectations if we're trying to please every single person. If say you had some kind of medical problem, would you go and ask a random person?

in a room or off a street for advice on how to deal with that, unless they were a doctor, maybe not. But we should be seeking out that expert. So if there was somebody that was an expert, you would be aiming for them. Other people's may have opinions, they are unlikely to be correct, or if they are, it's a bit hit or miss. But the one person that we need to find is that expert to help with your particular medical issue. So the same thing.

should be in general life. The person that is the expert on you, the person's opinion that matters is you.

We need to prioritise self-care. Self-care is not selfish. It is an act of self-respect. You are worth prioritising and looking after yourself is not a luxury, it is necessity. Taking some time for rest, movement, nourishment reinforces your self-worth.

There are ways that you can help strengthen your self-esteem. Things like journaling, you can understand your patterns, your emotions. You can argue against your negative self-talk. You can really grow just by getting it out on paper. There may be negative things that happened in the day, write them down, throw that bit of paper away, kind of let it wash off you. Affirmations can be useful.

challenge those negative thoughts with kind empowering statements, write a list down saying I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am capable, all the things that you would normally say negatively, put a positive spin on it and kind of repeat them over and over, that then gets into your subconscious and then you start to believe it. Exercise, I think I talk about exercise.

all the time, but strengthening that mind body connection. Exercise is great to reduce stress and it helps to boost your mood.

Breath work and relaxation helps to keep your nervous system calm, keep your mind settled and then you're not going to get those racing negative thoughts. It's keeping everything calm and then your self-worth will hopefully be stable as well.

This is a bit of an odd one, but try and start taking up space. Many women shrink themselves physically and emotionally out of that fear of judgment, but try practicing standing tall, speaking out, and owning your presence. There's studies that show that the Superman pose or the hero pose, hand on your hips, standing tall can help.

improve your confidence, but that will also help with your self-esteem as well. Focus on what you control. So we've already mentioned you can't control how they see you, but you can control how you see yourself. So stop waiting for that outside approval and start validating yourself. Challenge that negative self-talk. friend?

If not, then don't say them to yourself.

You're never as nasty to other people as you are to yourself. But just think, if you're not willing to say that to somebody else, or you shouldn't be saying it to somebody else, you shouldn't be saying it to yourself. Celebrate those small wins. So self-esteem builds one step at a time. And every time you take that little step forward, you need to acknowledge it.

Praise yourself.

So there's lots of things that you can do for yourself to help improve your self-esteem. But if you struggled with low self-esteem for years, it's not just as easy as telling yourself to love yourself more. It just simply doesn't work. And that is because your self-esteem, your self-worth, just like any other thing like emotional eating, your stress and other behaviours is deeply rooted in the subconscious.

And there are various ways that we can then try and access our subconscious. The journaling helps, doing visualisation, doing the affirmations, they can all help to improve those subconscious patterns. But the thing that I would use to help people is the control method. Now I've spoken about this on many podcasts, but this is another really good example of how it can help because it helps reprogram limiting beliefs.

your self-esteem becomes kind of more of your default state so that you appreciate yourself, you value yourself. And using the control, you can identify where the low self-esteem started. So this is important whether you're doing it yourself, whether you're coming to see me or seeing somebody else, it might be that you've tried hypnotherapy or other ways to access your subconscious.

But for now, remember, self-esteem isn't just about feeling good. it is essential for your wellbeing. So I have a challenge for you again this week. I want you to choose one small thing today that will build your self-worth. Maybe that's going to be speaking kindly to yourself or prioritising your own needs or simply standing a little taller. And if self-esteem is something that you struggle with, then remember to check out my website to learn more. Take care.

and will see you next time.